Sept. 27, 2022

Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen: why feedback is like a gift and a colonoscopy

About the book

The performance evaluation at work; the parenting advice from your mother-in-law; the lecture by the cop who just pulled you over.

We get feedback every day of our lives, from friends and family, colleagues, customers, and bosses, teachers, doctors, and strangers.  We’re assessed, coached, and criticized about our performance, personalities, and appearance.

We know that feedback is essential for professional development and healthy relationships—but we dread it and often dismiss it.  That’s because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We want to learn and grow, but we also want to be accepted and respected just as we are now.  Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on.  It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging and offers a simple framework and powerful tools to help us take on life’s blizzard of offhand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace.



About the authors

Doug Stone is a Founder of Triad Consulting and a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School. He has also written screenplays, and is determined to play guitar better than his friends.

Sheila is a Founder of Triad Consulting Group and a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School. Her husband teaches negotiation at MIT, and they are both schooled regularly in negotiation by their three kids.



Three big ideas

1) The gift and the colonoscopy

2) The three types of feedback

3) Know your triggers

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